The Twenty-Five Meetup Theses by Roma Seet

Disputation on the Power and Efficacy of Meetups

Theses, theses. What are the theses, you may be wondering. What are these theses, and why should they be written? Well, here’s my answer. In the XVI century, Martin Luther invented the Ninety-Five Theses against the contemporary religious practice of indulgences and posted them on the door of a church in Wittenberg, thus sparking the process of the European Reformation and transforming the entire world as a result. That’s what we call the strength of words. Such Theses are convenient; they find their way into your mind; they are devoid of all things unnecessary and contain only the essential. I recently breezed through Martin Luther’s Theses, and after that, I attended an affiliate meetup in Barcelona. Yep, that’s what life is about: you dedicate your morning to high-level intellectual tasks, and in the evening, you savor dry martinis and participate in languid conversations about pop-ups. In the end, I was so enamored with the event that I was sitting there absolutely shitfaced, thinking about writing my own theses that would protest against big conferences but celebrate smaller meetups. Let it be a synthesis of business and pleasure if you wish. Who knows, maybe there’s a Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor of sorts, or someone just as influential and powerful who will hark and start arranging meetups around the world granting me a scooter for my righteous deeds. Or a trip to Mount Athos, at least.

Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen! Grab a hookah or a penis (which is practically the same, depending on your preferences and personal tastes), and please welcome! The Twety-Five Theses Supporting Meetups.

1. Sponsors and organizers should pay attention to the local meetups in big cities: this is an abandoned field that has to be cultivated. Communities are ripe; get your harvest.
2. Any big city can provide an audience of 30–100 people for a decent meetup. This is exactly the case when affiliates grow on trees, but no one wants to reach out a hand to pluck them. So they hang in there, ripe and mellow, about to burst from the traffic swelling within.
3. Meetups can be conducted in Russian or any other language of choice. There are always people connected with the industry. Affiliates are just like roaches: they are everywhere. Believe it or not, they say there was an affiliate discovered at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. He had an unendorsed call center installed there.
4. The biggest hubs for affiliates include Barcelona, Berlin, Amsterdam, Warsaw, London, Budapest, Riga, Tallinn, Cyprus, Istanbul, Dubai, Ottawa, Hongkong, Kyiv, Odesa, Belgrad, Bangkok, Bali, Yerevan, Tbilisi, Astana, Moscow, and so forth.
5. The market is actively developing in Latin America, India, and Africa. These regions are also potential growth points for the global community. Affiliates are the lifeblood of the industry, and this industry needs to be constantly infused with new players.
6. Pre-registration is a thing. If you do this, you can expect a very respectable audience without idlers coming to steal a beer mug and gobble up all the snacks on the table.
7. Moderation is not a senseless waste of time: you are to do it, if you want your audience to belong to the industry, otherwise the value of the event will erode.
8. The quality of the communication is key. At small private parties, you can experience a feeling of belonging to a small local guild, as if you pertain to a community, which is important to all participants. In such a community, you can find answers and ask for help — both work-related and not. That’s how a friend of mine found an apartment to rent. Another guy, whoever he was, was rumored to stumble upon a kidney donor.
9. This community does not solely exist offline — it gradually penetrates the Internet, where you keep talking and grow closer. The purchasing power of such a community is higher than in some African countries. In this case, sponsors have someone to show their fabrics and pelts.
10. People want to share information, but only if the atmosphere is inviting and casual enough. Remember: the Roman Forum was created for a reason!
11. It’s much easier to make acquaintances at such events: all you need to do is greet someone. There is no division between the VIPs and mere mortals: at meetups, people are equal. One touch of leisure makes the whole world kin.
12. At meetups, sponsors find it easier to portray their brand in a favorable light during a friendly confabulation. In a conversation, they can answer questions, help around, and give hints, instead of shove their unique conditions into your mouth.
13. By the way, this is where you can safeguard the position of the brand, engineer the loyalty pattern, enhance awareness, and make a good impression. Today they’re drinking your beer, tomorrow they deem you a company they can rely upon.
14. Still, set clear boundaries with the sponsors. Meetups should not morph into an ancient marketplace with bazaars and vociferance.
15. Expenses aren’t as horrendous as you may think. It’s easier to wine and dine 50 people than arrange an ASAP Rocky concert. And it remains to be seen where the payback is better.
16. An ideal meetup is not too big. 100 people tops, so everyone could get acquainted with everyone.
17. The venue should be spacious enough but confine the attendees to one room; a bar fits the bill. People can talk at the tables or chat behind the counter.
18. Music should not be too loud, so you can chatter conveniently. One personal preference though: no rap, please. Rap is destructive and diverts people’s attention.
19. Escort girls are superfluous too, they also deflect attention: when you get a glimpse of a bare tit, you can think of nothing but the bare tit. You are here to think about traffic. Or about all things eternal, for that matter.
20. All big conferences grew out of meetups. Great minds thought alike and gathered together to discuss business. During these social gatherings, new companies appeared, and I have a feeling it couldn’t be a crazy coincidence.
21. Modern conferences turn into gigantic, gargantuan shows that cannot be imbibed. Or just walked around. They aim to seize the unseizeable.
22. Organizers of such shows are planning to derive as much profit as possible, inflating so much that the conference itself becomes irrelevant. The one who wants to please everyone pleases no one in the end.
23. Conferences are growing in size and number, and the people you meet there are practically the same. I stopped attending such events because I got fed up with doing one and the same thing. Everyone I talk to reports the same: they go there because they’re used to going there. And still, they claim that all the real acquaintances are made at side events, namely, meetups.
24. Competing with each other, organizers waste money on some dubious things, like, concerts arranged by a half-assed rap singer. As a result, they redirect their money to something that brings in no profit for the business. Instead of one such concert, you can arrange 20 meetups and generate an impressive number of leads.
25. Of course, conferences are important for businesses, but those who want to develop communities, reach affiliates, and improve businesses, should focus on meetups.

In the end, I want to sum it all up: make more meetups, attend such meetups if they exist in your city, and demand meetups from your partners.

P.S. The scooter can be shipped to Barcelona, Santa Magdalena 4, c/o Roman Seet.